It's been a while...

The beginning of the end was San Antonio Half marathon. The day before, I ran 1.5 miles and caught a ride home. Just didn't have it. At the start it was in the 60's and 90% humidity. I did a short warm up and felt fine. I resisted the temptation to run as fast as I had planned. Didn't start slow enough. Knew it was a bust at mile 3. Suffered through the remaining 10.1 miles being thankful I wasn't running the full. I didn't care about the race at all.

Fast forward to Thanksgiving. At this point I had had multiple runs where I felt like I had no energy. I was running slowly during the quality workouts to try and feel better - no luck. I was chronically tired - couldn't get out of bed or clean my house. At Thanksgiving, I decided if I didn't feel normal in 2 weeks I would stop.

Fast forward to Christmas week. The Saturday before Christmas was a 21 mile run with 7 miles at MGP. Couldn't do the MGP and quit after 14 miles. Walked back to the start. Got offered a ride - musta looked real bad. The following Tuesday morning, I realized I could not face running 26.2 miles let alone 20+miles in the soul buster after Christmas. So I typed an email to Karen and saved it. I went to bed - I was at the lowest point you can imagine. I was as devastated as when my horse Taylor had died a few years before. When I got up - I felt no better. So I pressed send. It was the hardest thing I have had to do in a long time and I felt I had let myself, Karen and the rest of the group down. Karen responded pretty fast and asked me to think about it for 24 hours. I had emailed some friends that are not involved in running but that are a huge support system for me in my life. Each one of them commended me on my dedication to the sport for so long and said they would be there either way. One person in particular strongly suggested I take some time off before the race and run it anyway. I had to agree - I needed some sort of closure. I had planned to take a long break after Houston regardless. Karen suggested I just run as much as I felt comfortable with and just start tapering a week early.

I agreed. Regretted it the next day but went out for a slow run. My legs were dead. Ran with the group on Thurs AM. They ran MGP - I ran slow. Karen told me to do my own thing on Saturday instead of the soulbuster on Sunday. I ran 20 miles - my own route - something I hadn't done before. While I was running, I came up with a plan. When I got to Manor (plenty of hills on the way), I ran 6 miles of faster pace. No where near MGP but I was pleased that I could run faster than a shuffle. Then I shuffled back through the hills home. Treated myself to pizza at the Manor Pizza restaurant afterwards. Achieved 2 goals - lots of time on my feet and realizing I could still run 20 miles. Ran easy with the group the next week. Ran the slowest long run I have in years but it felt great, the company was great and I was able to pick up the pace at the end. The following week's quality workouts went well. I was feeling normal. Good energy in my legs. Not having to sleep as much and in a much better mood. I am running slower than I would have planned but I am becoming more confident that Houston will be OK. I still have occasional thoughts that I won't get it done and I have a cautious pacing plan because I don't want to blow up half way and shuffle the last half. I don't plan on a PR but I do plan on a BQ in case I choose to go to Boston in 2011. For me it's a slow time 4:00. However, I don't take it for granted that it is guarenteed I will qualify - anything can happen.
My goal time is somewhere between 3:35 and 3:40.
I have enjoyed the last couple of weeks of running more than most other weeks. I feel in control again and am looking forward to starting back in September.
I will continue to run lightly on my own until then. I am going to buy a new horse and continue to ride and show the one I have. That will be the priority. When I return to running, they will be shared priorities.
I have learned a lot. Two quality workouts plus a hard run on the weekend is way too much for me. I will be in charge of what I do next go round instead of just blindly following. I am truly thankful to have recovered from the obvious overtraining so quickly and will attempt to really enjoy myself in Houston instead of running myself into the ground. I hope to be able to celebrate with fellow team members who qualify for Boston. They have worked so hard and really deserve it. I pray every day for ideal weather for them. This crisis has made me a much better person...I took my ability to run for granted. No more.